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Oct 25, 2018 – Apr 25, 2019
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Musings of an Awakening Spirit

Stories, poetry & general musings of Rebecca Haywood, a modern-day Shaman with a penchant for bringing the divine into the human experience.

The Death of Prince Charming (repost)

The Death of Prince Charming (repost)
In today's society, the search for true love often trumps the search for God but each is a worthy quest that, with the right map, will bring you to the same place— you. I struggled for years in my relationships with men and with God. Though I was raised to be an independent and self-sufficient woman, I secretly sought completion. I pushed and I pulled on their love— the part of me that...
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A Comedic Lesson in Humility

A Comedic Lesson in Humility
The moon has been showing a sliver of a smile—crooked, like she’s up to some mischief. So I thought it time to share another side of my death process—the lighter side of the dark side—and the laughter that often joins my tears in a full-bellied, full spectrum rainbow of emotions. Death can offer quite the feast if we let Her and She has a great sense of humor—one that, like most comedy, bares...
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Perfect Pain

Perfect Pain
I have been riding a wee bit of a death spiral (she says facetiously). Apparently, the Mother is asking me to give up much more than I anticipated. Beyond my home, my marriage and all the selves that resided within them, She is excavating parts of me that I thought had already returned to the light and others that I hadn’t realized needed to. She is reaching deep into my core—uncovering hidden trauma, releasing...
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LOOse that Resolution

LOOse that Resolution
RESOLUTION: ORIGIN: from Latin resolutio: from resolvere: loosen, release, settle.” RESOLUTION: IN MUSIC: “the move of a note or chord from dissonance (inharmonious, tense, unresolved) to a consonance (pleasing, final, lacking tension against the center key).” RESOLUTION: COMMON USE: “a firm decision to do or not to do something.” We all love a good firm declaration, a hard line drawn in the sand. It feels good. Like music moving into consonance, we have...
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Departure from a Dream

Departure from a Dream
Departure from a Dream Heart aches Pain stakesAnother end That means To releaseAnd return again From sorrowThat borrowsYour breath awhile And beatsIts drumFor the mercantile Whose trade windsLean inA kiss for the bride AsleepIn the deepOf Love’s end With flowersAnd firelightInto Eve’s rising tide She driftsTill Night liftsIts veil from her eyes WakingBreakingInto Dawn. ~Rh——————How are y’all doing? Riding these emotional waves can be tiring... or exhilarating. We can feel broken... or we can...
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Solstice 2018: Emptying Out

Solstice 2018: Emptying Out
Yesterday I shared my blog about Solstice inviting us to pause between the old and new. Titled “The Day the Sun Stood Still” I share it every year cuz the cause for pause is essential and ever-changing. Each year calls me in a different way. Last year, the pause had shifted. The stillness felt active, magnetic, expansive. The “emptiness and fullness of pure potential” were seamless in their exchange and ushered action and...
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Emptying Out

Emptying Out
Woke up this morning overwhelmed with grief… and with gratitude, with the sweetest sorrow… and with a heart-piercing joy. This is the way with the watery grave of emotion. When we allow ourselves to lay down in it, we are swallowed into the whole of life’s expression—the agony and the ecstasy. Neither holds the other nor holds us to the one, but moves through like the ocean wave that carries all that it...
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An Emotional Storm

An Emotional Storm
Some sit out the storm. Others use it to take higher flight. I love a good storm— the undeniable winds that blow right through me, and the surge of an ocean that carves away my edges and calls me deeper, higher, louder. Of course, there are times when we are meant to hunker down—to be the stillness in the center of its fury—watching, waiting, listening for its howl to return to calm. But...
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Gifts for the Ghost

Gifts for the Ghost
“Gifts for the Ghost” is a series of videos that offer a set of tools and practices for healing trauma or any psychosomatic imbalance. And it’s FREE! No need to even subscribe to my newsletter. They truly are my gift to you which I am so happy to offer. 💝Each video is posted here, plus an introductory article on "Emotional Presence"... Welcome to Gifts for the Ghost,A set of tools and practices for...
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Shameless Feminine

Shameless Feminine
“Shameless Feminine” Beloved, I come to you now,Pulled by your sleeping scarlet dreams,Your flowers of yearning,Your earth’s turning, That I may reach into this vessel —Beyond feast of ghost and Pain possessing pleasure— And bend my love into you, Become your trestle, Till you rise upon my kisses And your light breaks only into dawn— Never a slave To their empty grave No more. - Rh
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Forgiveness: An Act of Self-Love

Forgiveness: An Act of Self-Love
"Forgiveness sheds the bones of yesterday and bares her naked soul to the light of today." Having been raped multiple times in my life, I have a lot of experience with forgiveness. I held onto my anger and pain as if they would protect me from further trespasses when in truth, I was held by them and by my wounded memories which had become my greatest perpetrator. I was in purgatory, afraid to...
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To All the Boys

To All the Boys
To all the boys and men who helped me heal… Thank you. To my blood brothers, whose friendship gave me the reason to keep reaching through it all because I had proof of a worthy place to aim for... Thank you. And to all the brothers who became that proof, gracing me with a space in which I could just be—not woman or conquest, not victim or survivor—just Me... Thank you. To the...
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Talkin' About Your Revolution

Talkin' About Your Revolution
So much trauma has been awakened in us collectively—new memories, old memories, and the ancient ones that have been carried in our cells. So much to feel and yet such a gift and a medicine to have it here, on the surface, where we can embrace it as we never did before. And we aren’t just revisiting our trauma, we are walking through reporting it, prosecuting it, speaking our story and naming our...
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Let it Burn

Let it Burn
Weinstein, Cosby, Kavanaugh. A fire has been lit and though it may seem to scorch our earth, it also ushers in a newfound fertility. That’s why we must embrace this fire and let it burn— allow its flames to lick at our wounds, to ignite the pain, the shame, the rage unsung and stir the ashes that once buried it.  As a survivor of multiple sexual assaults, I found myself quietly weeping with...
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Retreat Journal ~ Teotihuacan 2018

Retreat Journal ~ Teotihuacan 2018
Day 1: Following my nose to God. Wellll, it has been a magically creative (and full) past couple of months. It has truly been a ‘standing in both worlds’ experience— completing my contribution to another collaborative book (WootWoot!) while navigating the busyness of life. I had to bow out for a bit so I could bow in and honor this space of healing and change. And now, I am so happy to emerge...
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I Ask & I Recieve

I Ask & I Recieve
I ask and I receive. Sometimes we don’t even bother to ask. Other times, we forget to wait for a response... or we simply don’t believe we deserve one (which kinda means we never REALLY asked, right?). I have a new student who wanted to join our upcoming Healer’s retreat, Shamanic Healing Practicum, but wasn’t sure how to afford it. She was about to close the door on it. I told her what...
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Healing & the Human Mind

Healing & the Human Mind
I want to address a question I have received from some of you. It is a question I too once held and that held me away from embracing shamanic healing— If Spirit guides the healing, then why do we need the form? Well, we may not need it but the client does. The form—the words of a prayer, our hands on their body, or the aroma of incense wafting through their mind—provides a...
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Building an Altar

Building an Altar
I like to tell a story with my altars and let the building of it become a healing in itself… INTEND: Like a good story, I start with an intent or theme. Mine was to connect, heal and balance the feminine within me and in humanity. GATHER: With my intent at the lead, I wander my home in search of objects, elements, medicine. Some are clear right away—the how and where they fit in—whereas others...
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Imagination is the Doorway

Imagination is the Doorway
Imagination is the doorway... to everything! Really? Really. Gosh, there is so much that I could say here— how we imagine ourselves into being from our physical health to our financial—but for now, I will discuss the healing magic of our imagination… Beyond great stories and revolutionizing innovations, imagination is a means of manifesting the anything we desire, including healing. Of course, we must put action behind our dreams in order for them...
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Fire Cleansing: Discovering Immunity

Fire Cleansing: Discovering Immunity
This is the story of how I found true immunity, as a human and as a shaman, and set myself free from the ‘Black Magic’ of emotional poison and vexed stories that can contaminate our internal world…  EYES TO THE UNSEEN:It was a beautiful Saturday in Descanso, California. Madre Sarita had a full class of healing students and this weekend was all about Fire Cleansing. I was excited to receive her teaching again....
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