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Musings of an Awakening Spirit

Stories, poetry & general musings of Rebecca Haywood, a modern-day Shaman with a penchant for bringing the divine into the human experience.

Emptying Out

Woke up this morning overwhelmed with grief… and with gratitude, with the sweetest sorrow… and with a heart-piercing joy. This is the way with the watery grave of emotion. When we allow ourselves to lay down in it, we are swallowed into the whole of life’s expression—the agony and the ecstasy. Neither holds the other nor holds us to the one, but moves through like the ocean wave that carries all that it has touched—every grain of sand and every moment within them.

Death has been a busy bee as of late. I have ushered the transition of several souls in the recent weeks—a husband, a lover, a brother, and a radiant sister. And for others, Death has been less literal—transitioning relationships, jobs, homes—but none the less wrenching.

I often joke that Shamans shit for the world. And we do. We process the communal energy of humanity, of our planet, and all their little deaths and dis-eases. It requires us to maintain quite the spiritual and emotional immune system. But this is not to say that we hold defense against them. No. We embrace them as if they were own children. For they are. And as a child born of one’s own flesh, we know them from the inside and thus do not shun their pain, their poison, or their shit. And at times that means that we also also step in it and forget to wipe our feet on the way out. Sometimes we carry it for them for a while, whether by a choice made in compassion or in alignment with an energy our human is already carrying. Whatever the case—theirs, yours, ours—it matters not, but it is imperative that we make a daily practice of wiping our feet and our soul of the karma we carry.

And so this morning, after days of fending off an illness in my body that had clearly taken hold, I took to the ocean and made myself as an offering to the sunrise. I wept, I wailed, and I washed myself in the Mother. I let her take me and all that I was holding. And as the Sun broke over the city, I broke with it—over the silhouettes of my own inner city: my life and its beautiful creations—surrendered back to the light… and to the shadow, back to Life… and to Death. Like I said, I made myself as an offering.

May we all remember—“Healers” and human alike—to empty out like our wise moon, to make ourselves and our light as an offering to Death and to the Shadow. For it will come for us no matter our personal choice. It is the natural cycle. Resistance only delays the inevitable and causes Death to linger as dis-ease, when in truth, Death is here to usher in new Life, new ways, new dreams. And though it is painful to let go of what we love and an often terrifying leap into the unknown, we must trust that the light will catch us and that, as Madre Sarita used to say, “it will come back to us ten-fold”.

Here’s to the new moon and all that she takes from us... and all that she shall return.

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Solstice 2018: Emptying Out

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