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Musings of an Awakening Spirit

Stories, poetry & general musings of Rebecca Haywood, a modern-day Shaman with a penchant for bringing the divine into the human experience.

Hunting Medicine

I am a huntress of medicine. I stalk out a need within myself or a client and then I ask Spirit to bring on the alchemy. At times, it is like a treasure hunt where one clue leads to another in an unfolding journey that requires patience and surrender.

That’s how it has been this last month with the personal trauma work that I have been sharing with y’all. I had stalled out, it seemed, on a junction of my healing process. I was just sitting there watching the light change and yet not moving. That’s how it felt anyway. And I sooo wanted to move, to shift, to feel free of this particular trauma self I was working with.

I didn’t have as much compassion for this trauma self as I did for my others and thus I was hunting for an antidote rather than what I know to be the true medicine: the alchemic embrace.

I was literally carrying a hammer around in my Jeep at the ready to shatter a beautiful power object that held this trauma self’s energy. Ha! I was going to destroy her in the name of release and spread her “ashes” into the ocean.

And beyond the energy of destruction, I was attached to my initial take on this ritual as requiring a male witness. It was part of the undoing I sought (but really it was part of the journey I had to take in order to be able to receive the true medicine that awaited me).

Thankfully, I had not abandoned my patience or my surrender to being led by Spirit. Though my desire for change was strong, my trust in perfection was stronger which is what led to the beautiful day that you see depicted here.

It was a potent healing that cracked me open in ways I had not expected. Where I anticipated destruction, there was nurturing; where I reached for the masculine, I found the feminine... Lakshmi to be exact. And that power object? She got blessed in rose dust and now sits proudly and prominently on my altar.

This medicine shall continue to work on me. This I know. And I also know that it had already begun the moment I asked for it. The journey to this day was integral to its reception.

So I offer this reminder for your healing: trust the journey and drink not of the antidote except to ready yourself for that alchemic embrace.

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