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Musings of an Awakening Spirit

Stories, poetry & general musings of Rebecca Haywood, a modern-day Shaman with a penchant for bringing the divine into the human experience.

Our Spiritual Balance Sheet

Yesterday I completed a big project for the Tax Man... seven years overdue. Ha! My cells had completely regenerated in that time! And yet I was being asked to resurrect and reconcile. Ugh and double ugh. That was my attitude.

It was more than disdain for the work involved and the time it would pull from my passion projects; it was resentment. I didn’t want to go back in time, especially to a dream that had ‘taken so much from me’—financially, physically, and spiritually.

That’s when the light struck. ‘Wow, Rebecca, you absolutely need to revisit this dream to reframe and reclaim!’ I often say that I don’t regret a single moment of my life, even the sexual traumas that came for me. Yet regret had taken hold of this seemingly minor chapter in my life—years ‘spent and given over’ to my former husband’s dream of owning a restaurant.

I was always clear that I didn’t resent him. I make my own choices. Yet, clearly, I resented IT—“spent and given over”—and until I reconciled that, my spiritual balance sheet would remain in the red. The Tax Man was actually offering me an opportunity to heal, to get back in the black baby!

The Toltec path teaches a practice of recapitulation in which one revisits memories to release their emotional charge and reclaim the power stored within them. The Tax Man showed me the medicine of reclaiming the power from our financial charges as well…

Though many of us attempt to divest attachment to money by saying, “It is just energy”, we are admitting it IS energy! And, let’s be honest, it is a necessary energy in this world and, though it may not buy love, it certainly sells the labor of our love; and that is more of an attachment than I had realized.

By revisiting my dollars ‘spent’ (and my love ‘spent’ through them), they came back to me— energetically, of course. Each financial charge was reframed as restated earnings. Though the return on my investment didn’t land in my bank account (yet ), it enriched our community—financially, physically, and spiritually. This I know, and I knew it then. It was what made me show up each day, and it renewed my presence again yesterday… back in the black.

P.S. This pic is another fruit of my labor. In the search for on-budget Restaurant decor, I dug thru thousands of old black-and-white photographs in the basement of the local library. And then had a friend restore them and add color here there. This is one of my favorites… history brought to life with a touch of blue. And these vintage pics brought smiles to all the old timers which was such a joy for me.

P.P.S. Last night, I found a $100 bill in my wallet that def wasn’t there before. Thank you very much, Mr Tax Man!

Great Expectations
Poem: "Broken Yoke Blues"

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