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don Miguel Ruiz



Musings of an Awakening Spirit

Stories, poetry & general musings of Rebecca Haywood, a modern-day Shaman with a penchant for bringing the divine into the human experience.

Patchwork Quilt: Part 4: Reweaving the Trauma Self

In my recent posts, I have been discussing a vision I received: a patchwork quilt which represented my life and all the selves within it, connected by a single golden thread—the one Self that flows through them all. It has delivered a big medicine for me and the healing of a hidden sexual trauma recently uncovered.

This has been the toughest piece of trauma work I have ever had to do because it impacted my being at a very young age. The memories are foggy, delivered by the confused mind of a little girl who didn’t understand what was happening to her, and they came with the overwhelming emotions of a child— unfiltered and without the defenses of an adult mind. It has been an intensely raw and truly exquisite journey as I walked in both worlds— as the little girl emerging from shadow and as the guardian embracing her into the light.

This is a common experience among those of us healing trauma— to feel inhabited by the one who experienced it. We can interpret it as a fracture of the self, a split, and seek to override the switch and avoid the “triggers”. But this does not serve one’s healing. We must embrace the little girl, or whomever your recipient was, and re-member her. Let her walk through the memories and the healing process with You as her guardian. In this way, not only will she finally be able to heal but You will also garner key insights into how your Self reformed in reaction to the trauma— the defenses and offenses placed on her frontline along with all her strategies to avoid the battle all together.

With You holding space for her, she can make the choice to heal without defense. ‘I see you, I hear you, I feel you, I believe you.’ This is what she needed so long ago, what she likely didn’t get from those around her, and what she was too young or too broken to give to herself. As result, she survived but in a dismembered state until she was completely forgotten. This is the true fracture that needs to be healed—the distance between You and her—and it starts by allowing her to be, once again. Embrace her, embody her, empower her. Reweave her into your patchwork quilt until You are completely integrated once again— the golden thread.

Patchwork Quilt: Part 3: Meditation
Welcoming our "Triggers"

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