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Aug 01, 2018 – May 01, 2019
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Musings of an Awakening Spirit

Stories, poetry & general musings of Rebecca Haywood, a modern-day Shaman with a penchant for bringing the divine into the human experience.

Perfect Pain

I have been riding a wee bit of a death spiral (she says facetiously). Apparently, the Mother is asking me to give up much more than I anticipated. Beyond my home, my marriage and all the selves that resided within them, She is excavating parts of me that I thought had already returned to the light and others that I hadn’t realized needed to. She is reaching deep into my core—uncovering hidden trauma, releasing my feminine lineage, and even rewriting an ancient agreement I made as a healer lifetimes ago.

It has been potent, painful and perfect. Yes, perfect. I trust the process and the force of the Mother. She brought me here to LA to do big work, and specifically to this place—Her “finca”, Her sacred ground. Whatever I must surrender in the name of that re-evolution, I do so humbly (though not always gracefully 🤫). Although it is a vulnerability I haven’t experienced in quite sometime, I know I am in Her arms.

For a new tree to grow, a fruit must drop and I am not the only one dropping to her knees. Many of you have shared your own death process with me and so I wanted to break my social silence and open my personal process to you once again. ...to remind you that death is essential to life. It ushers us through a perfect pain, a crushing constriction and a fierce fire that transforms carbon into diamond—more permeable to light than ever before. And in a final eruption, we shall return to the surface ready to adorn Her hand.

It is coming. Trust that and know that if the Angel of Death has come for you, it is in the name of your re-evolution, your expansion into a greater self that will be able to embody this new light on our planet. Whether you have considered yourself to be in service or not, many are now being called to it while others are being recalibrated like I am.

And even within this seemingly personal process, we are still in service to the whole. For as I tell my apprentices, doubt and faith can coexist without diminishment, and it is the same with death and life. They serve together, in the shadows of our matter and the light reflecting through it. So keep going, and know that I too am still here for you—always and in all ways.

LOOse that Resolution
A Comedic Lesson in Humility

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