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Dec 28, 2019
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don Miguel Ruiz

 

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Musings of an Awakening Spirit

Stories, poetry & general musings of Rebecca Haywood, a modern-day Shaman with a penchant for bringing the divine into the human experience.

Sorry Not Sorry

When your apology goes against yourself, your power, your truth… When it is for them, to make them feel better or right, or to win their love... When you are “sorry, not sorry” but you say it anyway.

Here are five questions to ask yourself before you do the “Sorry Not Sorry”...

SHAME:
What is the underlying shame; is it theirs or yours?

OBLIGATION:
What does that shame obligate you to be?

RESPONSIBILITY:
Where does your responsibility begin and end?

REPENTANCE:
What are you agreeing to never do again?

YIELD:
To whom are you yielding; what is the gain or loss?

These questions are a powerful tool to bring awareness, truth and power to your apologies. I suggest applying them to your past apologies as well— the spoken ones and the unspoken ones. It will help you to reclaim any power lost in those moments.

Ready to go a step further? To take those words back and shift the dialogue with another?

We can harness the surrender in our apologies as a medicine. Instead of using it against ourselves (or demanding it of others), we can use it for ourselves and our relationships by painting our white flag red (with love)...

Shame becomes SHAMELESS by identifying and embracing our individual shame with love.

Obligation becomes OWNERSHIP when we re-write the personal “laws” dictating that shame.

Responsibility becomes REVERENCE by achieving mutual respect through understanding.

Repentance becomes REVOCATION when we break the false contracts made by our “Sorry Not Sorry”.

Yield becomes “YES TO YOU!” by honoring thyself in any new agreements formed.

Though the kinds of conversations that end in apologies aren't always easy, they can be a great opportunity to evolve as individuals and as partners. They can be a bridge to a deeper understanding that returns you to a true common ground— common to your individual truths and grounded in your shared love.

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